倾听有时被比做穿另一个人的鞋子——从他人的角度来体会其感受和愿望。它始于一个人选择换一个角度看问题，来理解故事的另一面。倾听意味着用全身心去体会彼此的感受和需要。它无关是否赞同他人，而是有意愿去全面地理解：从他人的角度看，事情是怎样的面貌。建立这样的联系，一个人无须曾经经历对方的遭遇，例如，即使一个人从未有过孩子，也并不意味着，他们就无法去体会为人父母的感受。

倾听意味着体会他人此刻的感受，既不受刺激，也不试图去解决问题。当我们允许自己面前的那个人自然而然，而不将我们个人的价值观、评判或意愿强加于他们，我们提供了有些人所提到的无条件的爱。带着好奇，敞开心扉，我们也就能够以慈爱与清晰作出回应——这是我们天然的能力。这也是相互给予与接受的体验。

倾听意味着在交往中所有人的需要都得到承认和理解。虽然倾听表面上看起来仿佛是无私的，其实不是。当我们深深地理解他人，对方也会较为乐意倾听和理解我们。倾听使我们有更好的机会使自己所看重的需要和价值得以满足。

Empathy is not Sympathy

Sympathy entails a quality of support that requires a degree of agreement with the other person's views. Empathy means we fully let in what the other expresses, without agreeing or disagreeing with the content of the expression. Empathy implies seeking to understand, not seeking agreement or disagreement.

Empathy is not “Niceness”

If by being nice, we mean polite "proper" behavior, empathy can often be the antithesis of "niceness". Empathy calls for our authenticity, that we acknowledge what is often kept hidden by the polite, nice world, bringing those uncomfortable issues to the forefront.

Empathy is not Passivity

Being empathetic does not mean I become a limp noodle without my own needs and expression, or indifferent to conflict. Empathy is an active process of presence, listening, observing and internally opening to someone other than our selves.

Empathy is not the same as Love

If love is the giving from our hearts without expectation, empathy is a quality of being fully present to another person, focusing on the other, which often opens our hearts to such giving.

In fact, empathy moves us to the center of conflict. Human beings disagree, misunderstand, react and so forth. Our world is full of examples of this. Empathy works directly with this noble truth. By deeply understanding another, we can reduce misunderstanding, see clearly how our views differ, and build trust through the truly courageous act of letting another human being fully into our awareness and maybe even our hearts. It doesn't mean we agree or disagree, sympathize, lie down, or be polite; we simply give another the gift of our presence and understanding.

Empathy is not Naive

Empathy is exactly the opposite of naiveté, empathy ends naiveté. How? Because when we fully receive another person, seek to understand, the maximum amount of information is brought into the open. It means we are now aware of another's needs giving us the maximum opportunity to act on accurate information at the deepest level of trust, opening to the greatest possibility of resolution. What we have done is relieve ourselves of the naive idea that some problems are unsolvable, that violent disagreement is absolutely inevitable.