In 2006 we created 5,000 sets of feeling and needs cards, 15 suggested ways to use them, and decided to call them GROK! Now we’re on our second batch of 5,000 and are filled with joy from the stories we’ve heard of how people are utilizing the cards to create connection, discovery, understanding, and healing. nvcproducts.com
Here are three of our 15 games from GROK:
I Might Feel that Way if……
Player draws a FEELING card and without looking at it, holds it so others in the group can see it. Group members offer: “I might feel that way if…..” and then they tell a circumstance where they would probably experience that feeling. Player guesses the feeling.
Player thinks of a specific situation in which he/she felt guilty (or still does). Player says “When I feel guilty, I’m telling myself that I should or shouldn’t _________________.” NEEDS cards are divided among Group. Group members guess in turn “Are you feeling guilty (hurt, scared, disappointed, sad, frustrated, annoyed, etc.) because you are needing/valuing/wanting __________________.” (put NEEDS card in front of Player). When you have gone around the circle 2-3 times, Player tells Group which needs most connect with his/her situation.
Player thinks of a specific situation when he/she felt angry (or still does). Player says “When I feel angry, I’m telling myself that you should or shouldn’t _________________.” (this can be anything like “shouldn’t yell at me” “should have voted for the other candidate,” etc.) Needs cards are divided among Group. Group members in turn guess, “Are you feeling angry (or substitute hurt, scared, disappointed, sad, frustrated, annoyed, etc.) because you are needing/valuing/wanting __________________.” (put their NEEDS card in front of Player). When you have gone around the circle 2-3 times, Player tells Group which needs most connect with his/her situation.
A mom, a son, and his girlfriend find connection
Here is one of the ways we used the cards in a group recently where there was a mother and her 19 year old son and his girlfriend in attendance. This was the sons first communication group, and it was towards the end of the 2-hour session, and he had been expressing that he really didn’t have feelings or needs, and had said, “What’s the big deal?” So as facilitator I asked him if there was anything that happened this week that he wasn’t happy about. “Oh sure” he replied, “but what’s there to talk about? Things in life just happen. I don’t really need to talk about it.” As I offered him a deck of feeling cards I asked him if he would be willing to go through the deck very quickly and just lay down any card that might match his situation. He readily agreed and he quickly went through the cards, and proceeded to lay down about twelve. I invited him to tell us the feelings on the cards, without telling the story or any details about his situation. He readily did this part too, expressing his feelings to us as he picked up each card. As he did this, he also added a few details of his situation. I thanked him and then asked if he would be OK with having the rest of the group guess what was important to him in this situation, and that his part would be to sit back and just notice how his body felt with each persons guess. Again, he readily agreed. One by one, in turn, the group guessed a need and connected it to one of his stated feelings, for example, “I’m wondering if you were feeling shocked because you were wanting to be seen for your intentions in your situation?” After about 18 guesses and 18 cards were on the floor in front of him, I invited him to arrange the needs cards in any way that had meaning for him, and if he wanted he could speak about it as he was doing this, or remain silent. As he moved around the cards to group and arrange them, he chose to speak about the meaning this had and out came his clarity and connection with his beautiful needs! Then he stopped and looked around at all of us, and his mom and girlfriend. I asked how his body felt right then, and he told us his chest felt warm and open, and that he felt calm and good….and surprised….and happy….and…understood. “I guess I do have feelings! And needs too.” We all expressed our appreciation to him for his sharing, and as the group closed the session, he and his girlfriend were giving each other a lot of hugs.
We use the cards this way for work with couples as well. And on their own couples, friends, colleagues, and individuals use the cards to sort through conflicted situations to reach understanding, and to create a place for new movement and strategies to immerg.